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The silence kills me

This week has been crazy, I’ve lost my relationship with my sister. My granny is in the hospital😓
 I’ve also been given the opportunity to help homeless students all around Texas but it’s forcing me to go back into the dark days of my childhood and high school years. I don’t talk about the fact that I was homeless from the age of 13-17, because then I’ll have to accept the fact that my mother really didn’t love me.

The silence kills me 
In a time of healing where quiet work is done, I’m drowning inside the silence.

The feeling of being so close to someone but never being able to speak.
A whirlwind of emotions swirling around me 
I’m caged into the inner expression of my childhood. Past, present, future... will they soon meet? 
Rejection: the silent pain of I’m not good enough for them, how could there be a champion in me.
Make the world stand still beneath my feet. So I can see where I fell short of loves company 
Childhood Trauma 
,” Mama why won’t you speak”? She is silent, cold and alarming..
Why won’t you look at me?
My eyes that belong to my father weren’t worth seeing.
How she suddenly made my existence; extinct. inside those brick walls I COULDN’T SPEAK! 
Only room to breath,sleep and if I’m 
 Man the silence kills me. 

How many books I read full of fantasy. Hunger games, Maya Angelou , and the the whole twilight series. Analyzing and dreaming of what a mother’s love should be.
Maya took her son to the Congo and said it was some sight to see.
Rue’s parents held each other closely as   Their little girl stopped breathing slowly 
Bella’s mom flew across country to tend to her child’s need 
And my mother sits by the window day in and day out silently. Only speaking to a select few vibrantly. Leaving me to ask myself daily what’s wrong with me? 

Why don’t I deserve to hear the vibration of your voice break off a , “have a good day”
  • Why don’t I deserve the warmth of your motherly embrace.
How could I ever I learn to love without any knowledge of it in the first place..
I can Mimic it but can it replicated ?


The Help


He felt like home. Like grandpa’s hugs and granny’s kisses. Like a  school bus ride home, and  evening sunsets. Like afternoon Lunch with your Best-friends. He felt like home. Arms with an instant ease of peace, chocolate lips And a grin so sweet. He felt like ice cream on a summers day. He felt like a sunshine ray , and a Shooting stars runaway. He felt like home He felt like  Twilight, New Moon, and Breaking Dawn. He was was as high as the sky  and as bright as Nebula. He felt like why have I never felt this way before? He felt like a shower after a long day at work, like back-rubs And bath bomb soap . He felt like India’s Aries “Brown skin…  I can’t tell where mines is and where yours begins”. He felt like hopes redeeming  and pains end. He felt like home. Of course felt is past tense. But it’s still memorizing to dream of who we used to be. The trauma that can Happen when direct and in-direct meet. Like I’m saying things I don’t mean Because you act a certai

Scars of the Empath

 Can someone tell me how to get rid of these soul ties? "I'm so tired of being alone, I'm so tired of on-my-own" Feeling all like Al Green. The exchange of many men's dark disreputable energy for my high hungered spirit. Trapped in a daze of, "This wasn't how it was supposed to be" Scars of the empath. A tattoo of twisted misogyny.  The scares of an empath unhealed. Clean cuts so deep that any narc can spot the subtle creases of weakness beneath the surface of the strongest composer. Asking questions like, "Why are  you such a loner? You must of been hurt real bad. "I wont do those things to you, I'm not the men from your past"  Tearing down the walls of security with gentle words and soft cradles in midnight therapy. All to gain the trust of the one you cant wait to see bleed. I bend and break trying to rationalize the way a narcissist think Because I know I gave all I had in me. I placed my heart in the hope of being the women of

No doggy Zone

Could you turn off the dog in you off for just a second? Fishing for fish but you are not able to see the real goddess before you! Baby a blessing 😜 How many of my nights ruined by arrogance 😭 Thinking honestly why cant you just cherish this...  Cherish the chatter the laughter the moments that are genuine 😁 the thought of some one lusting about what was between my legs, what was behind my back and what was placed on my chest. Dude really! You are a mess! There is more too me than sexiness. Could you just turn the dog in you off for just a second! I want a mutual attraction, An every week interaction(everyday gets boring too quick) I’m sorry I’m not looking for temporary satisfaction. If you would just turn down your testosterone a bit, and look at me with nothing but the eagerness to learn about me and my brain full of shit maybe we could make something worth the wild and be lit 😂😂